Ogden Nash





Nature Knows Best

I don’t know exactly how long ago Hector was a pup.
But it was quite long ago, and even then people used to have to start
        their day by getting up.
Yes, people have been getting up for centuries,
They have been getting up in palaces and Pullmans and penitentiaries.
The caveman had to get up before he could go out and track the bronto-
        saurus,
Verdi had to get up before he could sit down and compose the Anvil
        Chorus.
Alexander had to get up before he could go around being dominant,
 Even Rip Van Winkle had to get up from one sleep before he could
        climb the mountain and encounter the sleep which has made him
        prominent.
Well, birds are descended from birds and flowers are descended from
        flowers,
And human beings are descended from generation after generation of 
        ancestors who got up at least once every twenty-four hours.
And because birds are descended from birds they don’t have to be forced
        to sing like birds, instead of squeaking like rats,
And because flowers are descended from flowers they don’t have to be
        forced to smell like flowers, instead of like burning rubber or the
        Jersey flats.
But you take human beings, why their countless generations of ancestors
        who were always arising might just as well have spent all their lives
        on their mattresses or pallets,
Because their descendants haven’t inherited any talent for getting up at
        all, no, every morning they have to be forced to get up either by
        their own conscience or somebody else’s, or alarm clocks or valets.
Well, there is on obvious conclusion that I have always held to,
Which is that if Nature had really intended human beings to get up,
        why they would get up naturally and wouldn’t have to be compelled
        to.