for G.

It seems wrong, lying here watching The Wizard of Oz.
I should be sitting on the floor in front of the bed with a razor
blade, cutting myself into small squares; or as close to a
square as I could get because squares are finite. They have
four sides and the end of each side touches the beginning of
the next and I’d feel safer with squares. I’d place them on the
floor in front of the bed where I’d be sitting. It wouldn’t matter
how I laid them out, as long as they were enough to cover
the floor from my feet in front of the bed to the wall at the end
of the room. Then I’d get some permanent markers, all
different colors and draw small pictures on a few around the
center. Maybe one of you wearing yellow the day you left or a
Dingo walking off with a baby. I’d carve “I’m Sorry” across a
whole row and on others I’d plant avocado seeds in dimples
pressed in with my thumb. I’d place a potted plant with big
green leaves on the ones around the perimeter. Some I’d
cuddle with, and others I’d pound into the carpet with a
wooden meat mallet, looking for answers that aren’t there.