Dollinck, with my schedule
if it takes more than an hour, it’s out.
Better five minutes.

Like for borscht. The Old Country way
takes about three days, right? Mine’s instant:
damp acana beets inta da blenda
with juice of a lemon and container of yoghurt,
and turn it on—that’s all.
If you’re sluggish in the bowels
you’ll have such a crap,
you’ll feel like putting on your sequined sunglasses
and going to the track.

Too fat? Do yourself a favor and make my gazpacho:
into the blender go whole tomatoes,
green pepper, cucumber and onion,
a clove garlic, lemon juice, and olive oil—
soy sauce if salt’s not out.
Serve it with chopped-up cucumber
and you won’t notice the bits of skin or seeds.
Eat nothing but, and you’ll get so skinny
everybody will be after your ass—
but use a condom, pul-lease.
Also great for shitting—all real food is.

Better than a trip to the Middle East,
and safer these days, eat my hummus.
Throw half a can of chick peas in,
with some of the liquid, a garlic clove, lemon juice,
and once they’re blended, a few tablespoons tahini.
It’s thick, so stop the blender once or twice and stir.
If this doesn’t put lead in your pencil,
nothing will—don’t expect food
to be more than part of the solution.