all problems being
as personal as they are
have to be largely
of our own making

i know i’m unhappy
most of the time
nothing an overdose
of sex won’t cure of course
but since i’m responsible
i barely have an average
intake

on the other hand
i’m acutely aware
there are those suffering
from the opposite affliction

some people die of obesity
while others starve to death
some commit suicide
because they are bored
others because of pressure
the new norm is as elusive
as the old

granting problems coming
from within
are no less painful
than those out of our hands
i never really do worry
about atomic destruction
of the universe

though i can be quite vexed
that Namath and Ali don’t retire
my father has to
and though he’s never made a million
or even hundreds of thousands
he too enjoys his work
and is good at it
but more        goes
even when he doesn’t 
feel like it

people fear boredom
not because they are         bored
rather more from fear
of boring
though minds are either sharp
or dull
and bodies available
or not
and there’s something else
that’s never wrong
though never quite right
either

i’ve always thought the beautiful
are as pitiful
as the ugly
but the average is no guarantee
of happiness

i’ve always wandered a bit
not knowing if this is a function
of creeping menopause
or incipient loneliness
i no longer correct my habits

nothing makes sense
if we are just a collection of genes
on a freudian altar to the species
i don’t like those theories
telling me why i feel as i do
behaviorisms never made sense
outside feeling

i could say i am black female
and bright
in a white male mediocre world
but that hardly explains why
i sit on the beaches of st croix
feeling so abandoned.