If Hilaire Belloc Had It

With this handkerchief and this nose
Seven million separate blows
Neighed I, brayed I, sobbed I, blew I,
Snorted I, wept I, mopped I, crew I,
Tickled I, prickled I, groaned and moaned I,
And for all my sins atoned I;
Raged I, sniffled I, and exploded,
And a speedy death foreboded,
Swayed I, prayed I, shook I, shouted I,
To expensive doctors touted I,
Gobbled I, hobbled I, atomized I,
Cursed I and philosophized I,
Worked I, shirked I, lay and lurked I,
And in horrid spasms jerked I,
Camphored, menthol’d, and cold creamed I
And asthmatic nightmares dreamed I,
Those who hate me highly pleased I,
And—I’ll not conceal it—
                 SNEEZED I!