The shrewdest salesman anywhere
is Archie B. McCall,
he's king of selling anything
to anyone at all,
Archie's ways are so persuasive
he's been never known to fail,
he has sold a yak a jacket,
sacks of feathers to a snail.

He has sold a fish a hairbrush,
and a snake a pair of shoes,
peddled Pogo sticks and purses
to a troop of kangaroos,
he has sold a camel earmuffs,
and a trumpet to a moose,
a bikini to a beaver,
an umbrella to a goose.

No one ever turns down Archie,
for when Archie's at his best,
Archie's simply irresistible,
he's matchless, he's a whiz,
he talked me into buying this—
I wonder what it is.