during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
whores
I always had this certain
contentment—
I wouldn't call it
happiness—
it was more of an inner
balance 
that settled for
whatever was occurring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships 
went wrong
with the 
girls. 

it helped 
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the back alley fights
the 
hospitals. 

to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade—
this was the craziest kind of
contentment

and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a 
cracked mirror- 
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all. 

what matters most is
how well you 
walk through the
fire.