A. A. Milne

Bad Sir Brian Botany

Sir Brian had a battleaxe with great big 
      knobs on.
He went among the villagers and blipped them 
      on the head.
On Wednesday and on Saturday, but mostly on 
      the latter day,
He called on all the cottages and this is what 
      he said:  
                 "I am Sir Brian!" (ting-ling!)
                    "I am Sir Brian!" (rat-tat!)
                 "I am Sir Brian, As bold as a lion —
                     Take that, and that, and that!"
Sir Brian had a pair of boots with great big spurs 
A fighting pair of which he was particularly fond.
On Tuesday and on Friday, just to make the street 
      look tidy,
He'd collect the passing villagers and kick them in 
      the pond.

                   "I am Sir Brian!" (sper-lash!)
                     "I am Sir Brian!" (sper-losh!)    
                   "I am Sir Brian, as bold as a Lion —
                       Is anyone else for a wash?"Sir Brian woke one morning and he couldn't find 
      his battleaxe;
He walked into the village in his second pair of 
He had gone a hundred paces when the street was 
      full of faces
And the villagers were round him with ironical 

                "You are Sir Brian? Indeed!
                    You are Sir Brian? Dear, Dear!
                "You are Sir Brian as bold as a lion?
                    Delighted to meet you here!"

Sir Brian went a journey and he found a lot of 
      duckweed.They pulled him out and dried him and they 
      blipped him on the head.
They took him by the breeches and they hurled 
      him into ditches
And they pushed him under waterfalls and this 
      is what they said:
                 "You are Sir Brian -- don't laugh,
                    You are Sir Brian -- don't cry;
                 You are Sir Brian as bold as a lion —
                    Sir Brian the Lion, goodbye!"

Sir Brian struggled home again and chopped up 
      his battleaxe.
Sir Brian took his fighting boots and threw them 
      in the fire.
He is quite a different person now he hasn't got his 
      spurs on,
And he goes about the village as B. Botany, Esquire.

                "I am Sir Brian? Oh, no!
                    I am Sir Brian? Who's he?
                I haven't got any title, I'm Botany;
                    Plain Mr. Botany (B.)”